Holy Smokes, Batman!

So my father-in-law is being ordained on Sunday. Not as a minister, but as a pastor for his church, which is one of those born-again, non-denominational churches that looks more like an office building than a church. He's been going to their "school of theology" every Thursday for the last year and a half or so and I guess Sunday is his graduation. They've asked us to come. It starts at 10:45 a.m. and we have to drive 45 minutes to get there. I checked their website and that's when their Sunday service starts; I'm guessing the ordination is at the end of the service. So we have to sit through an entire service before the big event.

Oh, and by the by, we're Agnostics. Actually, Rob's more or less an Atheist. I'm pretty sure the building will be a pile of embers by the time we leave, what with our non-believing ways. I hope they have a cry room so I don't have to leave the baby with the daycare center. I have no problem leaving Beth in there, but Bubba still has a bit of a separation problem with me in that he loses it whenever I walk away from him.

With all that's been going on lately, though, I'm starting to wonder (actually, we're both starting to wonder) if a little faith wouldn't do us some good. I mean, my father-in-law has been "putting his life in God's hands" for years now and it's brought him more strife than peace...but there's a lot of people in their church that seemingly have few problems. They're always smiling, going around in their nice cars and clothes that aren't faded and stained because they can shop for clothes on the regular. They don't seem to have financial struggles and although they're all busier than mad hatters with that church, they don't seem stressed out. Is that because of faith or just good luck?

I don't know. Maybe it's just all the bummers we've been dealing with lately, or maybe it's the holiday season, I just find myself questioning stuff like that. What about you? Thoughts?

Apparently, I'm just not capable.

Of planning and hosting a one-year-old's birthday party, that is. Originally, what Rob and I planned was cake and ice cream at 2 p.m., our place. Grandparents and immediate cousins invited, that's it, that's all. Nothing fancy, nothing big, and nothing costly. We haven't been exactly flush with money lately but we want to throw our son his first birthday party. We can swing cake, ice cream and some soda.

So I email the west-coast grandparents to let them know the details. Here's a copy-n-paste from her - my stepmother-in-law's - response:


"...Yeppums, we will be there!! Is there a little Cesar's nearby to your place w/the $5 pizza's?? If so we can buy a couple (3 or 4) there for Saturday afternoon as a contribution to the feed I think, or we can pick some up in [their town] & warm them up in [our town]. And maybe [brother-in-law] can bring something too like a few liter bottles of soda, diet & regular (probably less than $10), then [my mom's] help would maybe be less needed that way since she's already paid for an airline ticket to come visit. Maybe she could buy some chips or something, or salad to go along with the Pizza?? Something cheap & easy...prebagged salad of course!..."

Let me preface my rant with this: I appreciate generosity. I do. And I appreciate the gesture.

But what you all don't know is that she always does this. She can't let someone else control a party she's attending. For every one of Beth's birthday parties, she couldn't let me run the show. For her first birthday, we were going to cake and ice cream, with some chips and dip and soda, in the mid-afternoon. Simple. The kid was one, there were no other kids at the party. What does she do? She nabs up two pans of wannabe Chinese food leftovers from one of their church thingies and whips up a green salad.

For Beth's second birthday, we were going to do the same thing. They insisted on bringing extra chips and soda. For her third birthday, we went all out. Chicken, pizza, chips, dips, cake, ice cream, beer, soda, etc. Good times! What does she do? Brews a pot of coffee and throws her homemade salsa out on the counter. She just can't relinquish total control! She has to have her hand in everything. Fucking irritating!!!

So this year, I announce cake and ice cream because again, the kid's only one and the only other child in attendence will be our three-year-old who only cares about the cake. And what you see in the italicized paragraph is her reaction. I don't know of a tactful way to say, "Stop trying to control and design my kids' birthday parties! Their our kids! Just come, enjoy the company, and eat some cake. Then go home. This isn't your party to throw!"

Oy.

I just don't understand her need to do this. After watching her control family gathering after birthday party after family gathering after holiday...you'd think I'd be used to it. Why can't she respect what we've decided and just leave it at that? Does anyone have any insight to this phenomenon or how to approach her about it?