My Weekly Writing Assignment

So I read A Mom's World of Madness and Blessings every day and she's again unwittingly reminded me and referred me to our weekly writing assignment. This week, instead of writing a letter to my 10-year-old self, I'll be writing from 20 years in the future to my now-29-year-old self:


Dear Darcie at 29,

Quit being so damn dramatic. Not everything is a catastrophe. Relax, take a deep breath, and step outside the box. Realize that you don't need to get your panties in a bunch every time your "plan" goes askew. It doesn't help the situation and all you end up with is the same amount of stress plus one very uncomfortable wedgie.

Remember to find the positive in all that your children do. Your mom, although she did praise the positive, never failed to admonish the negative just as strongly and it left a pretty big imprint on you. Don't put this burden on your kids. Take their mistakes in stride and don't harp on them. Celebrate their successes and joys and relish them.

Remind your husband more often how proud you are of him and how much you appreciate his hard work to support your family. He needs to hear it and you don't say it enough. He's your rock and you know that but when you don't convey it, he turns into Relationship Ranger and kinda panics.

Please start taking care of your body. You don't want to have your first heart attack at 32 and have to have two open-heart surgeries - one of which is a transplant - by the time you're 63. Heart disease runs in your family and at your current weight and semi-sedentary lifestyle, you're headed down a dangerous path.

Stop staring at your nose. It's big, it's bulbous and you think it's the wrong shape and size for your face. You'd love a nose job but you can't really decide on a better nose and quite honestly, you know you'd feel weird if you actually did change it. So give up. Learn to love your nose. Embrace your inner-Evans-family trait.

Try to keep your chin up. I know things are tough right now and you're getting damn tired of being the Broke Shopper at discount grocery stores, tired of not being able to pay that nagging dentist bill, tired of boring weekends at home because you can't afford to go out...but someday you'll look back at this and smile. You'll smile at the experience, the wisdom you gained, and the fun you created when you couldn't afford to go buy the fun.

Please realize that you can't please everyone. Not everyone will agree with, much less support, your decisions. Be okay with who you are now and who you're becoming! It's not what you had planned ten years ago but it is what it is. You're happy, overall, although you do have your lows. The lows are fleeting though and to be sure, quite trivial. You're not 20 anymore. You don't honestly miss partying till all hours of the morning. You do miss smoking but you always will. Don't start again.

Some may have trouble understanding why you moved all the way out to California and chose to stay there in the face of perpetual brokeness, one turd from the universe after the other seemingly showering down on you sometimes. You did it so you could really figure out who you were...and it's working for you. You're finding your voice and it's really empowering. Hold on to that!

Finally, remember that although your driver's license says "MyLastName," you're still an MyMomsMaidenName and we're a strong, persevering and tenacious breed. We're known for keeping our noses to the grindstone, holding our heads up high and our backs straight, doing what needs doing to get through the toughest of times. This time in your life is no different. Never lose this sense of purpose.

Love,
You in 2028.

A Letter to My 10-Year-Old Self

Mama's Losin' It is doing a writers workshop for Wednesday in which she puts us to task writing letters to our 10-year-old selves. I, for one, am eager to do this! Ever since I first heard Brad Paisley's "Letter to Me," I've pondered what I'd tell myself in a letter to me when I was 17. But 10? Yikes! A lot happened between 10 and 17.

Hang on to your hats, here we go...

Dear Darcie,

You're going to be a good softball player despite your perpetual presence in right field. Don't doubt your abilities and stick with it through high school. You'll regret not trying out. You're going to be good at volleyball, but you have to give it an honest effort. Run harder, try harder and want it more.

Enjoy your ear for music. You have a real gift when it comes to music and you shouldn't brush it aside like it's a nuisance. Embrace your ability to play the piano, practice the trombone more and make Mr. C proud at district jazz auditions. Don't just try out for the day off from school.

You're going to go through a really rough and nasty patch of life between 1994 and 1996. When that stretch is over, find someone to talk to. A therapist, a minister, a close friend, or even your mom - whomever you choose, be honest about your feelings and actually deal with your loss. Otherwise you'll still be dealing with it 12 years later.

Speaking of your mom, stand up for yourself. She's going to be hard on you, especially as high school winds down and you set off for college. She's not going to put things tactfully and she's going to come off as a bully. She means well, she really does, but it won't sound like that and you'll have to hold your ground for what you believe and want. Don't let her bring your spirit down. Love yourself for you, not for what she wants you to be. Then recognize that your mom isn't some superbeing who has all the answers and is infallible. She's a human being capable of making mistakes.

Don't waste your time or emotion on that boy who'll take a shine to you at the end of your 8th grade year. He'll be a sleazy louse for the rest of your high school career and he'll leave you with few good memories. Most of what you'll remember of him is getting your heart broken and being in a vicious cycle of sticking with a guy who doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

Start a running program. You won't be good at it, not at first. You're not a born runner. But you'll find a natural high in running and maybe you won't be so eager to start smoking when you're 16. Oh, and by the way? Don't start smoking. Turn down that Marlboro on Diana's roof! Running will also whip you into shape and maybe you won't gain 20 lbs when you start college.

Have fun at college but remember: you need to have a little respect for yourself. Make sure you surround yourself with real friends who'll watch your back when you drink too much. Stay away from vodka in dorm rooms. Also stay away from newly-initiated frat boys. Definitely don't mix the two. Major in writing. You'll have a handful of people telling you to do this from the time you're about 15 and it's good advice. When you graduate, utilize their job assistance program. Otherwise, you'll end up working a series of crappy jobs that pay nothing.

When you're nearing your 22nd birthday, you'll meet the man you're going to marry. Make sure he keeps running, he'll lament the day he stopped. Realize that things with your roommates will, for whatever reason, turn sour but that's okay. Real friends have a way of finding their way back to each other again.

That's right, I said married. He'll move mountains for you - and move across mountains for you - and you'll finally realize how you're supposed to be treated.
Cherish him, he's a real diamond in the rough. He'll make you laugh like you've never laughed before.

That's enough for now. A few lessons to carry with you though, and I want you to write them down and put them in your wallet:

1. People are human. Some people are shitty humans. Follow the Golden Rule and treat others like you want to be treated. Remember that not everyone follows this rule though. Take the high road. You'll feel better about it. "Whatever you do today you'll have to sleep with tonight."

2. Be your own self-promoter. Be no one's doormat. The squeaky wheel really does get the grease.

3. Realize that not everyone will agree with your decisions. Don't get all in a funk about that. Stop being a people-pleaser. Say what you want to say, be as honest as you want. If people don't like it, that's their problem.

4. Always pursue freelance writing. Don't give up so easily.

5. Stay away from credit cards. They're bad news.

6. Buy a digital camera before your daughter's born in 2005. You'll wish you'd had it.

7. Love yourself. Find something positive to say about yourself everyday and drown out the mean assholes with a smile and a song.

Love,
You, almost 19 years down the line