"I have come to the conclusion that raising a young child involves long stretches of boredom interrupted by flashes of terror and bursts of supernatural joy - which sounds awfully close to the definition of psychosis."
So I'm still unemployed. Big news of the day, eh? I've e-mailed or snail-mailed about another dozen resumes in the last week, three going out tomorrow to Sarris, First National Bank of Pennsylvania, and to Duquesne University. I really hope something turns up. I don't think we can make it on two part-time incomes and live in the greater Pittsburgh areas.
I officially became a Pennsylvania resident today. I'm trying to contain my excitement. I thought I'd be okay with relinquishing my California residency...but it sucks a little bit. If things had gone like we'd originally planned - if Rob's work had been steady and he'd gotten steady increases in pay - we could have done really well. I know it's all said and done and that it just didn't work out but if you've never had to start over at nearly 30 years old, you don't know just how much it can suck. But the nice lady at the DMV in Meadville punched a hole in my pretty, yellow license and the nice old man (who, oddly enough, worked with Rob six years ago at AutoZone) handed me my temporary license with my god-awful picture on it. Same license number I had six years ago, same address. Meh.
Also, can someone explain to me how our country was so blind as to believe Barack Obama could be good for our country? This man is out of control. Oh, but he's not a socialist. Nope. Not a chance. MEH.
I'm feeling very cynical today. Do I have any readers who live in or near Pittsburgh? Do you know of anyone hiring? Any tips would be greatly appreciated.
And a big, belated congratulations to Kate, my college roommate and one of my bestest friends, who gave birth to a baby girl last week, Kelsey Jo. YAY!
1. Put Shaggy (Scooby Doo's partner) and Batgirl in an elevator and write a 200 word scene.
2. Write about a time you hid from someone, or a time you disguised who you really were.
3. List 10 things worth saving then choose one of those things and write about it.
4. What did you do before we had the internet?
So let's see...
1. I'm no good at writing scenes. Or clumsy pornography.
2. I've never done that. I'm no good at lying!
3. We have very little of value. I'd save the computer; it has all our pictures on it.
4. We have a winner!
Without further ado...
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Ah, life before the internet. It showed up in my house in 1997. I was in the midst of my junior year in high school and at first we were AMAZED. My friend, Diana and I would stay up till ungodly hours chatting. I distinctly remember the screen names "Imagoat" and "LilDoscha." Ha ha. We all made webpages on Angelfire and Geocities and actually had to learn some HTML. Layouts were insanely basic and didn't offer columns or anything fancy-pants. ICQ was the only way to chat. And you emailed everyone you knew just because you could.
But before that? God, let me dig into the crevices of my http://mind. I remember spending our summers riding bikes. We lived in a very small town and the majority of my friends all lived out in the country on dirt roads - or paved roads with no lines on them - so to get to anybody's house, you either had to hope you had someone's parent to drive you or you were on the Two-Wheeled Express. One day, my friend and I rode our bikes a total of 30 miles, all in the name of killing time and, you can quote me on this: "You're only 13 once, Lisa!"
I know we spent time at our one friend's place...a LOT of time. They had a big yard, a basketball hoop, and an in-ground pool. Plop yourself in western Pennsylvania in the dead heat of July and try to find a pool. Nobody has a pool in Pennsylvania because you can only use it maybe four months out of the year. This family was POPULAR. Plus, they were triplets, so it was three times the normal number of invitees.
I remember day-long trips to the mall. See, there was this joke of a "mall" in the next town over but it was very old and stores were consistently going out of business there. By the time I moved in 2003, Montgomery Wards had closed, Fashion Bug had moved, the arcade was long gone, NRM had left...all that was left was KMart, Pearle Vision Center, a pizza joint, Dollar General, the Hallmart Store, and a wannabe hair salon that butchered my hair every time I went in there.
One would think I'd stop going...but I'm stubborn like that. I had a strange optimism that someday, they'd get it right. They never did.
Anyway, we had to drive 40 minutes to the Millcreek Mall up in Erie. You leave around 10:00 a.m., get up there and go out for lunch, shop all afternoon, and grab dinner on the way home.
Let's see, what else did we do? Sports! There was summer-league softball, cheerleading, and helping the boy's volleyball team. Then there was band. Yeah, I said it. I was a band geek. I was also a choir chick. I sang, I danced, I marched, and I played a wild array of instruments. I was indispensable. (I can toot my own horn if I want to.)
And as for communication...if memory serves, we hand-wrote letters. For you younger kids, that means we broke out the stationary or lined notebook paper and a pen and scribbled out a letter - not in LOLspeak - and stuffed it in a stamped envelope, put it in the big blue box outside the post office and waited for mail to come to us. We also had land lines. That's the phone that, either by it's base or by it's receiver, is tethered to the wall by a cord. I'm sure you've seen it, hanging out in the kitchen or the office.
Hell, my mom didn't give up the phone-company-provided rotary phone until 1994. Mom has issues with technology change. It was the late 1980s before we saw a VCR, 1992 before we got a cable box, and 1997 before we got the computer.
I almost miss life before the internet came along. It was simple. You had to move your ass away from the glow of a screen to communicate with people. Of course, I also miss life as a child, when responsibility didn't dog you at every step, reminding you that even as you watch 30 get closer, day by day, you're still trying to figure out how to navigate through life.
As an aside, although I think it's a pretty important aside: thank you to everyone who expressed concern this morning. I spoke to who I needed to speak to, they were cool (almost too cool, which worries me, but that's a post for another time) and things are going to be fine. No woman, no cry...at least not for now. Thanks, guys.
...what real responsibility meant. Bills, rent, insurance, health care, paying for you own gasoline, groceries, incidentals (like that pint of Ben & Jerry's you simply MUST have in your eighth month of pregnancy but you know will live you semi-broke for a few days), vehicle upkeep, haircuts, the cost of shampoo, and I could go on forever. I never understood until the last few years just how hard my parents had it and how hard it must have been to tell me "no" as often as they did. When you're a kid, you assume that because your parents have a job, they have money. "I just saw you buy $80.00 worth of groceries, woman, I know you have money!! Don't tell me you can't shell out $20.00 for me to go to the movies!" I feel really bad about that. If I'd known just how hard being an adult meant, I may have stayed in college forever! I'd be SRU's Van Wilder.
...that marriage took real work. You make a decision every day to be with your spouse, to make compromises, to never go to bed angry, to try to see things his way even though you know you never will, and most importantly, you make the decision to see an endless amount of tomorrows with that person. You love them, there's no question in that. But it's not always sunshine and roses and eventually the honeymoon is over.
...that when you move into an apartment complex, about three months after you move in the property company will inevitably decide to renovate/repaint/refurbish and when it's time to sign a new lease, your rent will have gone up $100. Just a word to the wise. Oh, and they'll promise you new carpet but you'll end up with the shit-brown, matted-down, ten-years-old-looking carpet that four families have traipsed over. Buy a steam cleaner before you move in.
...that childbirth will be the single most painful experience of your life unless the doctors are kind enough to let your epidural run through the birth. I was not so fortunate. With my first, I had a good strong epi until I hit transition (about 7 cm) and then they let it run out. I know, right?! I felt every inch of her big noggin pushing through like a cannonball through a garden hose. With my second, I asked for my epidural at 5 cm, which is where I was at when I was admitted. I didn't see an anesthesiologist until I was about 7 cm who asked me the same set of questions THREE TIMES before deciding I was good to go for an epidural. I was at 9 goddamn cm before they attempted to sit me up and insert it - liek that was going to happen. You know what she said when she got it in? "There we go. I think that's right." [brief dramatic pause] YOU THINK???? Shouldn't there be a set of criteria that would differentiate between "is right" and "isn't right?" This is what I get for going with an HMO.
...that if you don't want to go with an HMO for your health care, be prepared to shell out large amounts of money. We weren't prepared to do that, so we went with an HMO. Most of our care is decent, especially where the kids are concerned. I love the pediatrics department. But our doctors? The revolving-door office we go to should we fall ill? We might be better off going to a public health clinic. They don't listen to you, they look bored, and they automatically turn to prescriptions no matter what you're ailment. You know something is wrong with you but instead of investigating further, they take one look at an x-ray and declare you "just fine." You never really get better and eventually, it comes back to haunt you six months later. Just ask my husband.
...that babies will produce liquids and odors that are not to be believed. Spit-up, vomit, poop, enough drool to irrigate the fields off Highway 1, you'll see (and smell) it all. As a result of all these fluids, you will never own a nice shirt again. Said liquids will find their way to the front of your shirt leaving a very noticeable stain. If you plan on wearing a particular shirt to a nice event at any point during its life with you, stay at least ten feet away from all children under the age of 13 while you're wearing it.
What do I wish someone had told me?
...That life gets better with age. You get better with age. You learn more, you see more, and you experience more both in life and in emotion. That you'll experience a love that will make your heart want to burst every time you look at your children. That marriage, in spite of its trials, will only improve if tended to like a rose garden. Don't let weeds clutter your life. See the forest for the trees. Understand that while you're busy being disappointed that someone has changed, you've changed too.
...that you should hug your kids every chance you get because as they get older, they'll want to hug you less. They won't love you less, but they'll show it in different ways. Realize that kids will say hurtful things but that they don't understand the impact of their words.
...to remember that life is far too short and that you should embrace every opportunity to talk to your elders. They have perspective and wisdom far beyond our years. Thank you, Denise, for reminding me of that. Your family is the most important asset you have. Whether it's the family you have inside your four walls or you're spread out over the world, they're the ones who'll be there for you when all else goes wrong. Please keep them close. A lot of my family has...drifted away. Or maybe it's because I moved to the left coast. I don't know. But they know who they are and I wish they'd keep in touch. I feel abandoned by them and it hurts. So please heed my advice and keep your family close.
...to live every day like it's your last. Laugh, hug, smile and enjoy the world around you. We only get to go around once (unless you believe in "Transcendentalism!!!!" - inside joke for fellow classmates of Donna Baker's English class) and you should make the most of your time here.
Thanks for indulging me. I still have a lot to learn in life but as I approach 30 - yes, I know I'm not 29 yet, but trust me when I say that 30 will sneak up on you - I feel like I've learned a LOT and I've learned most of it in the last five years. So take what you can from this!
If you watched the special on 20/20, you'll understand why this is such a loss. This man's courage, charisma, and optimism was unbelievable and we should all strive to live every day the way this man lived his last months. Please stay and watch the YouTube video I've posted, it's Randy Pausch giving "The Last Lecture." You won't regret it.
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