"I have my faults, but changing my tune is not one of them." ~ Samuel Beckett

My final thoughts before the weekend...

...I want everyone to read this article. Yes, I know it's written by a conservative and it's on NRO's website, a right-wing news site. But it makes some very valid points and maybe food for thought?

...Yesterday, Rob asked his boss to lay him off. His boss's response? To offer to put him on the road, part-time, when there was no work in the shop. Pfft. We'll see if that ever happens. His boss is known for empty promises.

...Two weeks from now, mom will have been here for nearly 24 hours. If I'm able to post here on the 24th, you'll know I'll survive the nearly two-week visit.

...I've found very little to smile about this past week, save for my children. The Office, last night, made me truly smile again. I almost fell off the couch laughing when Michael went in for the hug with Jim and knocked him over. And with that thought comes this worthwhile tangent:
= Directly after that scene, before the intro to the show, Rob paused it. He turns to me and says, "I want to tell you something. I really want to thank you for bringing laughter back into my life." I was a bit taken aback: he's been a funny, easy-going, jovial guy the whole seven years I've known him. To sum it up, he told me that before he met me, he didn't laugh a lot, at least not as animatedly as he does now. He said when he was a kid, he laughed all the time and they were those big belly laughs; he said he'd laugh his ass off at everything. After his parents split up, and his mom moved him and his brother across the country, he became very serious and hardly ever laughed at anything. Then he met me, and it's like he found his laughter again. I think that's the best compliment I've ever been given.

...I'm so glad the weather's finally cooling down. If you know anything about California's climate, there are two: summer and winter. Summer is in the 80s or warmer (lately it's more like 90s and warmer) and consistently cloudless with unending sunshine. Winter is always cloudy and in the 60s or lower, sometimes accompanied by rain. I prefer winter. I love my jeans and sweatshirts.

...I can't believe that in two and a half weeks, my baby will be ONE. My last baby EVER. *sniffle*

When All's Said and Done

I'm tired, I'm bored, and my mind's a bit scrambled. Today, I offer you nuggets from my brain.

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It's Debate Day. I sincerely hope McCain wisens up and goes to the debate. He needs to. It's all nice and valiant to say, "Washington needs me. Must go fix economy." But let's be honest here: it either will or won't get fixed and his presence, which has been fleeting over the last six months or so due to campaigning, isn't going to make a huge difference. He needs to skidaddle back down to Mississippi and tend to business; otherwise, I think he's making a fatal error. I'd rather see my guy at high noon with the guy I don't want in office than trying to be heroic in Washington. Who does McCain want to fix the economy come February? Himself or Obama? GO TO THE DEBATE, MAN.

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I'm so damn tired of David Blaine. He's like that creepy kid you knew in high school but never spoke to for fear of having a spell cast over you. Always kind of mumbled to himself, didn't have many friends, yet thought he was really something special? Don't give me that look, you know you knew someone like that. David Blaine is just another magician trying to outdo other magicians. The difference is, he makes a national and televised spectacle of himself and always nearly dies because of said spectacle. You almost feel sorry for the guy. It reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend at our junior prom:

Ryan: Hey look, there's Joe Schmoe.
Me: Yep. Looks like he came stag.
Ryan: I feel bad for him, no one's talking to him.
Me: So go talk to him.
Ryan: Well I don't feel that bad.

Hey, I'm just being honest.

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My husband's been offered a job at another company. He said, earlier this week, if he was offered enough money he might take it. His potential new boss calls this morning and leaves me this message for Rob: he'll pay him [exactly what he's getting paid now], insurance coverage will start in 60 days, and he'll be a shop guy.

*blink*

Why would he leave the company he's been with for five years - and who are due to give him a raise very soon - to go work for a smaller company and be the EIGHTH guy in the shop (which, if you can't do the math, means he'll get no work and be low man on the totem pole) for the same amount of money? Someone needs to tell Coulda-Been New Boss to put down the bong.

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I'm thinking of starting another blog, in conjunction with this one, regarding TV and movies. I'm a Certifiable Spud and I love both mediums. There's something on almost all days of the week that I watch - or will watch once all the supersized premieres are over - that I could comment on. I worry people will prefer Matt Roush over me. Funny how those folks at TV Guide always get more traffic than me. What do you think?

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I'm hoping my mom will buy us gym memberships for Christmas this year. She knows how badly we both want one and how, at this point, just can't squeeze it into our budget. I would totally go to the gym every night - I love getting breaks from the chaos and an hour's trip to the gym would be jolly welcome!

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I'm currently plotting on our tax refund for next year. On my short list: a new couch and furniture for the kid's room. For them, this means a twin bed for Beth, new pillows, night stands, a dresser, and possibly a new toybox. Ikea, here I come! I love their children's department.

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That about covers it. Or, I'm thinking I'll go sit on the couch and read my new issue of Self. Or maybe watch the news; that's sure to infuriate my right-wing, the-media-is-biased self!

The Things We Think and Do Not Say

Ever have one of those internal moments, long after a discussion has passed, where you think of a million things you should have said but didn't? Or you think of them during the conversation, but don't say them for fear of confrontation, rejection, anger, etc.? I hate that. I'm very non-confrontational, I don't like fighting and I'm a big chickenshit. I won't ruffle feathers if I can't find a quick exit out of the henhouse. I'm always afraid I won't be able to back up my words and that I'll end up looking like a big asshole.

It's probably a self-esteem problem. I do hold some pretty strong opinions on certain subjects and in my own, soundless rhetoric, I sound fairly intelligent. But I fear the debate. What if someone else holds an equal or superior argument? Will I be able to hold my own?

What are some things you wish you could say to people in your life, be they loved ones or strangers you see every day? You don't have to name them, but I'm always interested in what goes on in peoples' heads.

Here are mine:
- I know your life's different now, but that doesn't mean it's a bad different.
- Grow up, please. People are laughing at you.
- I'm really proud of what you've done with your life, you've really turned things around. You have a long way to go in other areas, but I can tell you know that.
- You're not as important as you fancy yourself.
- Please stop pushing religion down my throat, no amount of badgering is going to change my mind.
- I love you, and I'll help you out when I can, but I don't want you involved in my childrens lives.
- Please quit trying to make me feel bad for moving out here; we're making our own life out here, you should be proud.
- I miss you and our talks. It's not fair that you "handed me off" and missed my wedding. I haven't heard from you in years and I feel like you all but abandoned me and that hurt worse than anything.

So c'mon folks...what's in your head?

Got a lot on my mind lately

Some of my rambling thoughts...

1. Just read The Redneck Mommy's most recent post and it brought a lot of bittersweet feelings to the surface about the people I've lost in my life, especially my dad and my aunt. A lot of the sensory memories fade as time wears on...how it felt to hug them, hearing their voice, etc....and all you have left are pictures. Or rather, you do still have pictures, and your memories. I want to feel a hug from my dad again, or hear my aunt defend herself when incriminating stories of her naiveté are brought up at family gatherings. It pisses me off that I can't.

2. I'm learning that I may not be the best judge of character, at least not at first. Does this mean that I'm potentially wrong sometimes? Oy.

3. Why did I have to wait three extra weeks and spend $30 just to find out that my daughter had a sinus infection, which I've known all along and told the pediatrician three weeks ago? Damn HMO.