Sorry I'm not home right now, I'm walking through the spiderwebs...

Trying to figure out the way a three-year-old's mind works is like trying to solve Rubik's Cube without the instructions (which, by the way, is how my husband mastered the geeky art). I've thrown my hands up in defeat, brought to my knees at some of her nonsensical antics...yet I feel like slamming my head in a drawer multiple times daily.

She's recently figured out how to ask what we're doing, where we're going, what that is, etc. I really wish she'd figured this out a year or so ago when her little mind wasn't so demanding. Now, when she asks, "What's that?" what she really means is: "What are all the items in the picture/on the TV/outside the window, what are their names, how many are they, what kinds of clothes are they wearing, what are they doing, and how long will it take them?"

Each. And. Every. Time.

It's enough to drive a woman to pick up a pack of Marlboro Lights at the 7-11.

[For the record, I quit smoking on March 3, 2004; haven't lit up since]

And then there are the countless meltdowns over excruciatingly simple things: tuna fish instead of peanut butter sandwiches for lunch, we don't have On Demand yet and Dora isn't on right now so the world's coming to an end, she can't have a snack because she didn't eat her dinner, I need to re-ponytail her hair and she's in a mad dash to get to the other end of the house to pick up a stuffed animal, we were on our way out the door but mama forgot something so we have to turn back for a second...the list goes on and on. And I do mean meltdowns.

Exhibit A:

Then there's the Miss Priss attitude she's recently developed. Everything is HERS. When she goes to the bathroom, we are to STAY. [Meaning: She does NOT want our help. She'll do it herself.] That is, until she's done and wants help guidance putting her underwear and pants back on. Getting silverware, brushing her teeth, picking out clothes: "I do it."

Exhibit B:

Now multiply that times two and you'll have approximately NINE HOURS of my day, every day, Monday through Friday. And you wonder why, after four years of being smoke-free, I'd consider picking up a pack???

A Sixer

Six things I could live without, but really wouldn’t want to:
- TV
- Internets
- Diet Coke
- The occasional pint of Ben & Jerry's
- My Dirt Devil Scorpion
- Good shampoo

Six movies I’ve never seen before:
- 28 Days
- Don't Be A Menace
- Saving Silverman
- Seven Years in Tibet
- Menace II Society
- Ghandi

Six of my pet peeves:
- People who don't know how to get on the freeway
- Target's return policy
- Noisy or disruptive fidgeting
- Parents who think their "baby" is completely innocent, no matter the circumstances
- Having religion shoved down my throat, like that's going to make me believe
- Seasonal allergies

Six things I really love doing:
- Writing
- Watching chick flicks
- Laughing; Rob's particularly good at inducing giggle fits
- Dancing
- Making my kids laugh and smile
- Anything supernatural

Six things I was into as a kid:
- Barbie
- Cartoons (Smurfs, Garfield & Friends, He-Man, etc.)
- Riding my bike all over town
- New Kids on the Block
- Achieving the perfect "big bangs"
- TGIF!

Six things I was into as a teenager:
- "Friends"
- Socializing
- Being musical...I played instruments, sang in choirs
- Boys
- Cheerleading
- No Doubt

Some days, you have to wonder if it even pays to get out of bed.

Yesterday, my day ended...well, at 1:00 a.m. this morning. Today started at 5:00 a.m. Then I dozed with Robby on the couch until 6:00 a.m. when Beth marched out demanding milk and waffles. Hrmph. That little troll needs to learn the fine, time-tested art of sleeping in!

I had an in-house appointment at 9:00 a.m. with a company who shall remain nameless as I signed a form stating I would not disclose any information from our meeting to any third parties. So for two hours, I let Rob sleep in. He agreed to stay home today and watch the kids so I could focus on the appointment. So we did the chickens-with-our-heads-cut-off cleaning of the downstairs...that was fun, let me tell you. I definitely didn't get a shower this morning - I definitely needed one.

Anyway, they came, we interviewed, I got my incentive (those free groceries I mentioned a while back) and I came home. I then had precisely an hour to go to Safeway, buy lunch for us, get back and eat before Boy showed up.

He shows up at 12:30 p.m., when his mom informs me he's coming down with some sort of cold. Great. WONDERFUL. He fell asleep about 45 minutes into his stay here today, and didn't wake up until I woke him for dinner. Then I spent the next four hours trying to keep him a safe distance from my children to hopefully avoid them getting sick.

Somewhere in there, I had to go back to Safeway to finish our grocery shopping, so I Snuglied Robby up and away we went for one of the most stressful shopping trips I've had with him to date. I put him in the carrier facing forward so he could look around...nice mommy, right? That's what I thought. Then I got to the produce section. Every time I tried to get a plastic bag out to put my bananas/pears/mangoes in, he was after it. With every piece of fruit, he lunged forward. This little boy's a go-getter, and I can certainly appreciate that, but for Pete's sake!!! Let me bag some fruit, man! Finally, he started to get tired. And bored. And hungry. I had no food for him and I forgot the binky at home. I was in for a real treat! I spent ten minutes in the freezer section, rocking back and forth, letting him use my thumb as a binky, humming Brahm's Lullaby. I'm pretty sure I memorized the prices of frozen vegetables this afternoon. You can get a 16 oz. bag of broccoli florets for $3.19.

Then Beth was being an ornery pain in the rear tonight. Just babbling constantly, whining, fake crying, asking for stuff she knows she can't have at night (cereal, milk, snacks in general). Between her and trying to make Boy understand that he has to keep away from the other kids until he gets better, I had a couple of confused and annoyed kids on my hands!

Couple that with the migraine that's been building all day and I ended up giving myself a time out on our front step. I had to get out. Thank heavens my husband was home with me to sort of grant me that little reprieve! I swear, some days I don't think I'd make it through, mentally speaking, if it weren't for him.

Tell me I'm not alone...that you all have days like this too!

Happy Father's Day, Dads!

Namely, my dad, my husband, and my father-in-law. This is always a bittersweet holiday for me, probably always will be.

This is going to be an abbreviate blog for many reasons, but primarily because I don't want to bring everyone down. I just want to thank my father-in-law for being a terrific Papa to my kids - they think he's the cat's pajamas.

And my husband...he's an AWESOME father!! He's playful, fun, and loving and a good provider. I couldn't ask for a better Baby Daddy! :-)

And Happy Father's Day to all you dads out there.

And THIS is why "they" don't want Walmarts in California...

I'm a shop-on-a-shoestring mama. I love a bargain and I run a pretty tight budget when it comes to groceries and necessities. Hence, I shop at Walmart on the regular. I buy baby formula, diapers, wipes, bottle supplies, toiletries, and most of the kids' clothes there*. You just can't get those things cheaper anywhere else!!!

But I absolutely HATE shopping at California Walmarts! When I lived in Pennsylvania, it was almost a treat to take a trip to Walmart. To begin with, we were privy to a Walmart Supercenter, the mecca of discount shopping. I really, really miss that - getting it all done in one shot. *sigh* Furthermore, you were guaranteed to run into someone you know, catch up on gossip, and make empty promises "to get together sometime."

Out here, all you encounter are rude, pushy, and ignorant people who don't give a hoot about you and your little brood. They will ram into you (front OR back) with their carts if you don't get out of their way, they give YOU dirty looks if you're in the way and simply can't move, they completely trash the shelves, and nothing's where it belongs and half of the packaging is destroyed. The best example of this: back in December, we went to Walmart to buy a megapack of Huggies for Robby. You know, like 116-or-so Size 2s.

All of the packages had been ripped open and diapers had been taken from each package. I understand that hard times come about and moms do what they gotta do, but damn...don't steal. We've hit rock bottom but we just bought the cheapest diapers we could find (Parents Choice, White Cloud, Target brand, etc.)**. The end result of stealing diapers from Walmart is that you're now a pain in the ass to us honest people who just want to diaper their baby, you've broken the law, and because of you, the cost of diapers will go up another fraction of a cent to make up for the loss. Thanks.

People are animals at Walmarts out here! I know it's marketed towards the less-affluent end of society, and I make no claims to be high-falutin'. If anything, I declare with complete honesty and a tinge of pride that my little crew bare red necks. ;-) But c'mon folks, keep it nice for everyone! We don't shop there, really, because we want to, it's because until our youngest is out of diapers and formula, this is where I need to shop.

After that, I'm on to Target. Shampoo can't cost that much more there!

Lane Change: I had a really good day with my family. We're being guilted into dutifully headed up to my in-laws place tomorrow for Father's Day, so we're celebrating the holiday for my husband today. We took the kids to San Gregorio State Beach on Highway 1 to look for seashells and introduce the baby to the Pacific Ocean. We left early, around 8:30 a.m., and got there a little after 9 a.m. Beth was fine, until her feet got too cold...then she sorta fell apart. The baby loved it! He was smiling and kicking his legs in the Snugli the whole time!

Afterwards, the kids napped in the car and we drove down to Santa Cruz, had lunch at a Chinese place, and headed back home. This evening, I was talking to Beth before she fell asleep and here's how the conversation went:

Beth: I like the ocean.
Me: Oh yeah?
Beth: Yeah.
Me: Do you want Daddy to take you back to the ocean?
Beth: No.
Me: No? Why not?
Beth: I'm sleepy. It's sleepy time.

I was so amused, I had to bite my tongue to stifle my laughter! I forget, quite often, how literal little kids are; she thought I wanted Rob to take her back tonight!!

Ah, kids.

Pictures from our morning...

The Things We Think and Do Not Say

Ever have one of those internal moments, long after a discussion has passed, where you think of a million things you should have said but didn't? Or you think of them during the conversation, but don't say them for fear of confrontation, rejection, anger, etc.? I hate that. I'm very non-confrontational, I don't like fighting and I'm a big chickenshit. I won't ruffle feathers if I can't find a quick exit out of the henhouse. I'm always afraid I won't be able to back up my words and that I'll end up looking like a big asshole.

It's probably a self-esteem problem. I do hold some pretty strong opinions on certain subjects and in my own, soundless rhetoric, I sound fairly intelligent. But I fear the debate. What if someone else holds an equal or superior argument? Will I be able to hold my own?

What are some things you wish you could say to people in your life, be they loved ones or strangers you see every day? You don't have to name them, but I'm always interested in what goes on in peoples' heads.

Here are mine:
- I know your life's different now, but that doesn't mean it's a bad different.
- Grow up, please. People are laughing at you.
- I'm really proud of what you've done with your life, you've really turned things around. You have a long way to go in other areas, but I can tell you know that.
- You're not as important as you fancy yourself.
- Please stop pushing religion down my throat, no amount of badgering is going to change my mind.
- I love you, and I'll help you out when I can, but I don't want you involved in my childrens lives.
- Please quit trying to make me feel bad for moving out here; we're making our own life out here, you should be proud.
- I miss you and our talks. It's not fair that you "handed me off" and missed my wedding. I haven't heard from you in years and I feel like you all but abandoned me and that hurt worse than anything.

So c'mon folks...what's in your head?

I'll be back!

So as it turns out, you can't add much HTML to Wordpress, which sucks. I was liking my little slice of BlogLand over there. But now I have itchy feet and miss being able to add certain widgets, so I'll be back to Blogger soon. It's going to take me a day or two to pack up and move, but never you fear: I'll be back!