May 19, 2009

Say "Yes!"

Last week, Rob and I watched "Yes Man" with Jim Carrey. My opinion on the movie: it was okay. Not his best work (for my money, nothing beats "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind") but not his worst. The message of the movie, however, blew. me. AWAY. Seriously! It made me think of all the times I've turned down going out or doing something for no good reason. Maybe it was too late in the evening for me. Or I just thought it wasn't for me. I wouldn't fit in.

How are you supposed to experience life if you keep saying no? I'm almost 30 years old and I haven't had a girls night out YEAH. That long. Eight years. So I have a new policy: if it's not illegal and there's no good reason to say no, I'm saying yes. I've even said yes to myself. Two weeks ago, I was watching "The Biggest Loser." All season, I've been in awe of these people. This was, by far, the heaviest set of contestants TBL has ever seen. I said to myself, "This is ridiculous. There are women on there bigger than you, in worse shape than you with less hope than you. What is stopping you? You've got a lot of weight to lose and you always seem to have an excuse. No more excuses! The changes start now!"

So I started with just walking. About three miles, I'd say. I threw in a few jogging spurts, about 30 seconds each. That was two weeks ago. Now I do a 3-4 mile route 4-5 days a week, and in that, I run 1-minute spurts 8-10 times throughout it and I'm gaining every day. My pants are already loose and I'm not stretching out t-shirts when I put them on anymore! I'm low-carbing it now and I'm down to only a couple of diet sodas a day, the rest is water. I feel great!

I'm aiming to run a 5k. I don't know if it'll be late this fall or early next spring but either way, I'm going to do it. And my mom? The woman who, despite all my desperate efforts, never thought I did good enough on anything? I want her ass standing at the finish line to watch her daughter - the one who didn't take enough interest in the piano, the one who didn't try hard enough in college, the one who had that hare-brained idea to move to California where only evil is born, the one who apparently doesn't know fuck-all about her own children and their needs - cross the line, 100 pounds lighter and a whole lot healthier.

She doesn't believe I can do it and I'm well aware of her disdain for my conventional methods of weight loss every time I mention what I've done that day. Instead of saying, "Well that's really great!" or "I'm really proud of you," all she can say is, "Keep it up" and "Cut back on what you eat and you'll lose even more." It's been this way my whole life. It's no wonder I have self-esteem issues and I'm constantly convinced it's not worth trying since I'll probably be no good at it anyway.


I'll show her.

May 5, 2009

On taming the male species...

We were driving home from Pittsburgh - yet again - yesterday and a Faith Hill song came on the radio. "Mississippi Girl," I believe it was. Anyway, Rob got all indignant for a minute and yelled at Faith (via the radio, of course) for sucking the soul out of Tim McGraw. You see, when Tim McGraw first showed up on the country music scene, this is what we were introduced to:

He's no Hank Williams but he's a country boy.

Now, this is what we get:

Meh. He's been neutered. Demasculated. He wears tight-fitting turtleneck sweaters with cowboy hats and still calls himself country.

In line with the "neutering" thought, Rob has decided that once I am gainfully employed with benefits and all, he'll undergo the snip-snip. We know we're done having kids, we're ready to sit back and watch them grow up. No more sleepless nights, no more bottles, no more teeny-tiny diapers.

Now, to tie those two thoughts together: we were talking about how Faith neutered Tim when they married. Rob says, "You kind of have to though. If men were left to be as wild as they always were, they'd never get around. They'd be pissing in the hamper and lighting the couch on fire."

I suppose it's one of those stories you have to be there for in order to understand why I got a serious case of the giggles over that. But surely you've cracked a smile?

He's right, too. Men need women in their lives in order to prevent chaos from ruling the world. We keep them calm, centered even. They don't need to be in the rut, sparring for the Alpha Male position; they already won a female. And they ensure that we don't...well...let's put it this way: we're not involved in the rut either. *wink*

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