Life is a cement trampoline.

So we're emptying out our apartment and throwing bags upon bags of stuff in the dumpster. Throwing out things that were really just cluttering up our life, taking up space, collecting dust...but it's really very hard to get rid of things that, in one way or another, were a part of everyday life. It's even harder to work up the strength to climb our outdoor steps another time to gather another load of garbage. I'm so damn tired, my limbs doth protest a lot.

Anyway, we're nearing the end of the clean-out. I have to finish up with the kids' room, the bathroom and hall closets, and then attack the kitchen. I think I'm going to round-file most of the kitchen; I'm keeping our glasses and Pyrex pans, and a few of the kids' cups. The rest is kind of junk at this point and it's not worth boxing up and saving. I really just want this to be done and to move on to the next phase of this "adventure."

What's on my mind now, to be honest, is our return to western Pennsylvania. I'm excited about it, I'm hoping we're able to finally live the life we've always wanted: friends and family to hang out with, things to do that won't cost a small fortune, football games we actually give a damn about, fishing, and overall a happier and less stressful existence. But I'm worried about reintroducing myself to a social life again.

I've made all of about three friends since moving out here. One I've never met in real life, one I've met in real life once, and one I've hung out with occasionally. Between spending the last four years immersed in raising my children and effectively removing myself from any kind of social scene since 2003, I feel like my social skills have packed up their bags and taken up residence somewhere in the recesses of my brain. I'm worried that given the opportunity to hang out with old friends and family, I'll end up sitting there like a bump on a log with little to say and what I do say will bore them to death.

I don't know, maybe I'll be fine. I've changed a lot since 2003 though, as one friend put it, I kind of act like an old lady sometimes. I'm hoping the fun me is hiding somewhere inside and I can revive her. I don't want to be the person that everyone invites to parties and get-togethers out of sympathy because once upon a time, she was fun to have around but now we just feel sorry for her awkwardness.

Bah. I worry too much. I should just be excited to see everyone again, right? You all will still love me, right? Just be patient with me. I'll come around again, I swear!