January 15, 2009

Life is a cement trampoline.

So we're emptying out our apartment and throwing bags upon bags of stuff in the dumpster. Throwing out things that were really just cluttering up our life, taking up space, collecting dust...but it's really very hard to get rid of things that, in one way or another, were a part of everyday life. It's even harder to work up the strength to climb our outdoor steps another time to gather another load of garbage. I'm so damn tired, my limbs doth protest a lot.

Anyway, we're nearing the end of the clean-out. I have to finish up with the kids' room, the bathroom and hall closets, and then attack the kitchen. I think I'm going to round-file most of the kitchen; I'm keeping our glasses and Pyrex pans, and a few of the kids' cups. The rest is kind of junk at this point and it's not worth boxing up and saving. I really just want this to be done and to move on to the next phase of this "adventure."

What's on my mind now, to be honest, is our return to western Pennsylvania. I'm excited about it, I'm hoping we're able to finally live the life we've always wanted: friends and family to hang out with, things to do that won't cost a small fortune, football games we actually give a damn about, fishing, and overall a happier and less stressful existence. But I'm worried about reintroducing myself to a social life again.

I've made all of about three friends since moving out here. One I've never met in real life, one I've met in real life once, and one I've hung out with occasionally. Between spending the last four years immersed in raising my children and effectively removing myself from any kind of social scene since 2003, I feel like my social skills have packed up their bags and taken up residence somewhere in the recesses of my brain. I'm worried that given the opportunity to hang out with old friends and family, I'll end up sitting there like a bump on a log with little to say and what I do say will bore them to death.

I don't know, maybe I'll be fine. I've changed a lot since 2003 though, as one friend put it, I kind of act like an old lady sometimes. I'm hoping the fun me is hiding somewhere inside and I can revive her. I don't want to be the person that everyone invites to parties and get-togethers out of sympathy because once upon a time, she was fun to have around but now we just feel sorry for her awkwardness.

Bah. I worry too much. I should just be excited to see everyone again, right? You all will still love me, right? Just be patient with me. I'll come around again, I swear!


Minxy Mimi said...

I think once you get back to where you feel comfortable and "at home" you will blossom again. I think it would be hard for me to be out of my element too, if I ever left California I think it would be rough... Ive never known anywhere else. Just take it easy!

Valeta said...

I always think you are WAY less socially awkward then I tend to be. You are more upbeat and smiley. But then, I didn't know the before kid Darcie.

I wish you guys the best of luck with your move and starting over in Pennsylvania. I will miss our occasional hangings out. I hope you keep your blog up so I can hear all about your adventure!

Denise said...

Awwww - don't you worry about it! I think you will do JUST FINE! But - I am A LOT like you! Although I am not moving to a new place - I am starting school. I worry I won't fit in. Lord knows my clothes won't. I will be the one without the lab partner and won't be invited to study groups. Boo. :(

But I think you will be fine! It will take some adjusting - but you will be GREAT! And you know what...although you may not be the crazy Darcie of years ago - I bet your friends aren't either! They probably have kids and have settled down too!

AND...just so you know...anytime we have a BBQ - I invite people I WANT there - even if they are shy and quiet! Lord knows I am shy and quiet too!!! :)

You will be GREAT - I just know it!

princesspeaches said...

Just be Darcie...that's always worked for you in the past! Besides, everyone has changed since 2003---well, there might be a couple of sad guys living in the past when they were cool, but I assure you, everyone else HAS changed. and mostly for the better!

Besides, you can always call on me...I'm within walking distance...at least until I get my house done and move in there...

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