Stipulations and such

So apparently, when you sign a contract, you actually have to hold up your end of the bargain. For example: you ask a company to allow you to run their ads on your blog. They say, "Sure! Even though your blog is small and hardly noteworthy, you get maybe four hits per week, you can run ads through us and you'll get a hearty percentage of the hit value." I'm stunned; I was under the impression that only big, important blogs - even ones who take a walk on the controversial side and suffer the loss of readership for their efforts - got to run ads on their site.

So anyway, one of the stipulations was that I had to update at least once weekly or they'd pull my ad code. My last post was March 25th. Whoopsie!

I will, from now on, attempt to update at least weekly, if not more often. The thing is, where before I was living in an 850 ft² apartment, I'm now living in a big-ass house (relatively speaking) where kids can roam freely. My hands are full. Thus, I have little time to sit and focus on a blog. So to both BlogHer and my faithful three readers, I apologize for not blogging as often as I contractually should.

So what's happening here? Rob flew out to California this past Thursday to buy a pick-up truck and haul our stuff back to Pennsylvania. He found a 1989 Ford F-150 and rented a small U-Haul trailer; he and his brother are loading everything up as I type and are departing in the wee hours of tomorrow morning. Yay! After that, we'll officially become Pennsylvania residents again. Oy. Unnerving, really, especially since I'm still unemployed and didn't get that job at the high school.

Did I mention it's snowing today? Yeah. It's April and it's snowing. Up to a FOOT by Wednesday morning. I miss California.

"My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot." ~Ashleigh Brilliant

We've had a lot going on lately and yet nothing's really transpired. Well...that's not entirely true. I did go on another interview last week. This time, in a curious turn of events, it was for a local job. What's more, it's my aunt's job at the high school I attended. She's been there for 35 years and is retiring in June. She says 90 people applied for her job. Out of them, 10 were interviewed. So we'll see.

The kids are adjusting to life here kinda-sorta well. Bubba's doing great. His speech is exploding and he understands so much. You can't slip anything past this kid! Beth is riding the rollercoaster of "I'm still in a new environment AND I'm four years old. Wheeeee!" She still talks about going "home" and how she just wants "to get out of here." We have to keep explaining to her that, for now, this is home. It breaks my heart. Quite frankly, I like calling this domicile "home" about as much as I like raw onions. For those of you who know me, you know nothing makes me gag as much as tasting a raw onion.

Living in my mom's house has been, to say the very least, trying. She's lived alone for the last six years and has become accustomed to her solitary life. Then we come straggling in with our two small children and their toys, wreaking havoc on her simple, quiet home. We're up at 7:00 a.m. every day, there are Cheerios, Kix, and occasional cookie crumbs strewn about her floor, and dinner is a three-ring circus. We're cooking with seasonings and flavors she's never cooked with and she informed me that she's eaten more vegetables since we arrived then she's eaten in the last year.

With all that comes her belief (or, at least, what I suspect is her belief) that since I'm "home," I need to be led around and parented like the child she must think I am. She's meddling in my job search, brow beating me into working at that damn Cracker Barrel and trying to make me feel bad for not wanting to work into the evening. They only want to hire a prep cook for the afternoon/evening shift. My availability clearly states that I want to be home by 6:00 p.m. I want to eat dinner and bathe my kids and be there for bedtime. That's extremely important to me. Mom doesn't get that. She seems to think that this is the Best Job on Earth and that I should kiss the toes of the manager who's planning on calling me to try and convince me to work in the evenings. Good luck with that.

I really hope something comes along soon so we can move the hell out of this house. I don't care where it is. I need my own space back and my kids need to be free to have fun and yell. THEY'RE KIDS! Let them be kids!

And then there's the nebby, gossipy canary about town who's telling people I'm some oppressed housewife with no opinions and no chutzpah. I've got an idea of who it is and frankly, I'm not surprised. Conneautville is the very definition of Small Town, U.S.A., and what better to talk about than the person who moved out of this town a beer-loving, wildly independent party girl and came back a calm, settled wife and mom who appreciates the art of compromise and doesn't feel the constant need to be a hard-nosed, stand-offish bitch who keeps everyone at bay to avoid getting hurt. I went through a very rough five-year period before I met my husband. I lost my dad, my grandparents, an aunt and an uncle. I had two different boyfriends cheat on me with good friends of mine. I had friendships fall apart. By the time I met Rob, I had lost a lot of respect for myself and was sick and tired of getting hurt.

But when he came into my life and stayed, didn't hurt my feelings or make threats of leaving, and showed me that it was okay to let people in and that he wasn't there to use me, and most importantly that nothing was going to shake his love for me, I softened. I calmed down. I trusted him. And what people didn't bear witness to over the last six years was the metamorphasis I went through. I started seeing life differently, especially after having children. My values changed, my opinions changed, and I wanted different things out of life. I guess some people write that off as a character flaw and are bent on sharing the news with everyone.

Maybe all that city livin' in California did me some good. It taught me to mind my own business. It also taught me to stand up for me and mine. My politics may have changed, and I may not be as wild and crazy as I used to be, but I'm a whole lot stronger now than I ever was. So if the gossip hound reads this, pass this along, too: I don't need anyone's approval to be happy. I absolutely love my life and that's all you need to know.

Ah, sweet DSL.

Windstream finally showed up (a day late) and installed our DSL. Seriously folks, do they really need someone to do that? They don't let you do it yourself, apparently, they have to do it. It's all very Big Brother. They don't use a software installation CD - like AT&T did in California - so that it's easy peasy. No, no. The lady hooks up the modem and then opens Internet Explorer, types in Windstream's URL and does it for you through their website. I don't much care for the process but I wanted my internets back too bad to object. Besides, the woman doing our installation was an alumni from my high school so we had a nice little chat about people we both knew. She's eight years my senior so the connections were few, but it was a nice chat.

So now...to find a job. We're very confused about what we want to do from here. Do we stay in this charming little podunk town and live a simple life (which is, ultimately, what we kind of want) and work jobs we really don't care for...or do we try to make a go out of Pittsburgh? And if we go with Pittsburgh, do we find a place to live first and then hope like hell I find work really quick? History shows that living on unemployment income alone while looking for work doesn't pan out too well. Or do we try to find me a job first and then scramble like mad and hope to hell we find someone willing to rent to us within a week or two?

Very confusing. Very. Thoughts?

Welcome back, Mr. Kotter.

So I'm sitting here in what's now my mom's office. It was first my bedroom, then my playroom, then it was a piano room for a while (even though we kept calling it the toy room), and after we moved out, it was mom's office. Don't get confused: she doesn't actually need an office. But it's where she keeps all her papers and stuff.

We've hooked up our desktop PC and it's all less-than-conveniently shoved on to one corner of the desk, tower parallel to the monitor, sitting directly behind it, printer perched on top of the tower. We're using dial-up until the Windstream people come and install the DSL on Wednesday. I told mom to tell whomever she spoke with that I was capable of installing a DSL modem but apparently she either didn't or they ignored her. So we signed up for free Netzero until they get here. Bah. Dial-up is so. friggin. SLOW.

My travels were as smooth and easy as can be expected. All of my flights left on time. Southwest is exceptionally punctual. We left within five minutes of our scheduled take-off with both of my flights. My only complaint? I wish I could have flown alone. I understand I couldn't leave both kids with my husband and take the easy way out and that the intent of the generous ticket purchase was to alleviate the mind-numbing terror of driving for three days with a young toddler...but it would have been so relaxing to be without the inherent worry for a child all day. Not to mention the inevitable tears and frustration that goes with being stuck in a carseat all day, the pressure that builds up in his little ears despite incessant binky suckage, being too excited to eat, the hassle of security, and the whiplash he must have after the pilot hit the brakes in our 737 in Pittsburgh. The poor kid was conked out right through our descent but snapped to (quite literally) when they hit the brakes.

All in all, though, I couldn't complain. Our night with family was pleasant and, thankfully, peaceful. The minute I laid him down he stopped squirming and passed out within ten minutes. We drove up to my mom's work the next morning and had lunch, then mom and I hit the grocery store and drove "home" to Conneautville. The next morning, we met my mom's friends for lunch at the little diner in town. Rob says, when I told him what we were going to do, "You're taking my son to a hen fest?" Indeed, I was.

Everyone I've run into has said, "Welcome back!" or, even weirder, "Welcome home." It's crazy. I know it should feel like home but I still feel like an outsider. I've been gone for almost six years. Should it feel like home? "Home" for me has been in California since 2003. I can tell you it feels good to be here. I feel normal again. In California, I was a little too redneck and a little too...countrified. I'm polite to people, I'll say "Hi!" to complete strangers, I say "please" and "thank you." I hold doors open for people and expect the same from others. Rarely, if ever, did I experience that in California. Also, it seemed like no one was ever happy out there. Back here, I don't know, it seems people enjoy life a lot more. And I dig that.

So, I guess "Welcome home" maybe isn't so ill-fitting.

A Few Things

I've been slacking lately, I know, but I have my reasons. First of all, I have absolutely nothing to blog about. Scratch that. I have absolutely nothing to blog about that I am willing to write about until we're back in Pennsylvania. My kids haven't done anything truly noteworthy, aside from learning a few new words which, thankfully, isn't uncommon with the younger one. With Beth, between her 2nd and 3rd birthday, every new word was a celebration.

My husband started his first semester ever of college on January 20th. He's doing alright, he learned how to navigate online courses fairly easily and with very little help from me. I have been helping him type the papers because he needs some help with punctuation but otherwise, he's been on his own. But with him studying during the day, I have to watch the kids and that doesn't leave me much time for blogging. See, while we're here at my in-law's place, we have to stay on top of what the kids are doing. We've childproofed the necessary stuff: outlets have covers, stairs are gated, all the doors have child locks on them. But there are certain things, like picture frames, glass decor, and certain cabinets that aren't locked and have to more or less be monitored at all times. I hate blogging in pieces so I try to wait until I can tap one out in a single sitting. It almost never happens here. I think I'm averaging two blogs a week, which compared to my previous five-a-week isn't much. I'm pretty sure I've lost a majority of my readership because of it. I hope that once I'm back in Pennsylvania and we can manage our time better that I can get back up on the horse and blog daily.

I must admit, I'm a bit nervewracked about the trip. My end of things is more or less handled...my husband's, on the other hand, is going to be a bit hairy. Money's going to be extremely tight and there's no telling whether they'll be able to stop for the night at any point. This really worries me because Rob's the only driver. I'm not worried about Beth or the cat, they'll be fine; but he wants to stop and sleep in a Walmart parking lot or a rest area and terrifies me. I realize that with such a tight budget, he'll have to do what he has to do to make it across the country without wrecking the car. I guess I just don't want to know about it. I've told him I just want to see them arrive safe and sound. I don't want to hear any plans; just leave on the 10th and try to be in Pennsylvania by the 13th.

I'm down to three days left here, I depart on the 10th. I'm supposed to have lunch tomorrow with a friend - and this lunch, by the by, is our first meeting; we've only chatted online thus far - and then I gotta get down to the nitty-gritty packing. I have to do all our laundry, pack all our bags, and determine what goes with and what can sit in storage until the first week of June. YIKES. I think I'm most remorseful about coughing up $94.00 a month for the stupid storage unit.

So, my friends, I'll be back next week. On the very good chance I won't get to blog again until next week, I leave you with this: I'll be in town on the 11th, have a birthday party on the 14th, but beyond that, we're free. We'll be broke, but we're available! I know all of you will be beating down our door to see us (ha ha) so all inquiries should be directed through my mom's phone number.

A Benign Post

I have blog guilt. I haven't produced a quality blog post in weeks. Every day, I swear up and down that I'm going to carve out half an hour to blog...and then every day, I find out I have absolutely nothing to write about. Things are very humdrum here. We've been driving back and forth to the old 'hood to handle college-related things for Rob but that aside, nothin'.

We've thrown a few more bricks into place regarding our migration back east. I've obtained the kids' birth certificates, finally. It only took me nearly four years to get Beth's and a full year to get Bubba's. This is no fault of the county (although I believe it's a bunch of bull that we have to pay to get the birth certificates, to the tune of $19.00 each). No, no, it's all me. I was just too lazy. We never needed them until now.

We bought the trailer hitch this past week, a Class III, meaning we can tow up to 3,500 pounds. I think Rob's installing it next week. I called Southwest to ensure I would be able to get a priority boarding pass because of having an infant with me. As long as I have the above-mentioned birth certificate, I'll be in Group A. I also got this fantastic contraption, the Travelmate, which will be an enormous help in the airport when I have Bubba in his convertible carseat. I didn't buy it brand-new, I bought it used from a woman in Union City. It's an older model, it's only supposed to fit Britax carseats, and I have a Cosco, but Rob's handy and can make it work. He started to explain to me what he was going to do to make it work, but as soon I heard, "What I'll do is..." my eyes glazed over and my ears powered down.

It's also a good feeling to know you're wanted back where you came from. My cousin invited us to her daughter's first birthday party the weekend after we get in, my college roommate is inviting me to her baby shower in March, and an old friend offered to help us get settled. My best friend is driving up shortly after we arrive so we can meet each other's kids and get caught up; nearly six years is a long time to be separated from your best friend.

I'm really excited and I'm glad things are finally coming together. Anybody else back east want to get together?

Like sands through the hourglass...

Wow, time's rolling by slowly. We're now T minus 20 days till lift-off and I'm pretty sure if time passed any slower it'd be going in reverse. It's not that things are terrible at my in-law's; if anything they're going better than they did last time. It's just that we're dealing with so. much. crap. these days that most days it feels like my head is swimming with things to do, numbers, and dates. It seems as though we can't catch a friggin' break (save for the massive amount of generosity coming to fruition on February 10th) and there's a roadblock at every pass. It's been this way since November and frankly, I'm not sure how much more I can take! I try to laugh it off. I've always held the opinion that you have to laugh at life, otherwise you'll drive yourself crazy. Lately, however, it's been a real stretch to find the laughter. When will things turn the corner?

In everyday news, my son's speech is picking up like moss on a rolling stone. He's recently added: tree, milk, cereal, ya-ya, Coke, cycle and jacket. Alright, he's actually saying: tee, gul, reh-ree, ya-ya, goke, gye-kul, and gah-ket. But they're his words and we know what they mean! My daughter has suddenly developed a HUGE attitude problem. Hands on hips, shrieking, wrinkling up her nose, making strange noises with her throat...ugh. I tell her daily that I'm trading her in at the Used Kids Store for a less-bratty model. I love that munchkin to death but man alive! She's in for a few years of butting heads with mommy and daddy if she keeps it up.

Rob started his first semester of college yesterday. He's very busy doing homework and posting to online discussions. I'm really very proud of him; he's embracing this whole college thing and trying to figure it all out on his own. It's going to be a rocky first semester what with the move and all, but I'm sure he'll survive. I'm actually a tad jealous. I loved college...and my notebooks. I have a self-professed obsession with office supplies: paper, binders, folders, pens, pencils, staplers, paperclips. I could spend a whole day in Staples. Now my husband has a brand-spanking-new Five Star Notebook just begging me to jot down notes in it. Rawr.

So we're off to the lower east bay again today. We have to buy Rob's books for the semester - provided the college released his funding - and hit up our storage unit to organize and make room for the toolbox. Good times.

Phase One, Complete.

So we're at my in-law's now. To be honest, the last time I blogged, I was in a bit of a fog, so I can't remember if I told you all this or not, but someone we know (who's asked to remain nameless) was kind enough to purchase two plane tickets so that Bubba and I can fly back to PA while Rob and Beth drive back with the Tracker, bike-on-trailer, and some of our crap. So we actually have an arrival date for all of you who are keeping track and would like to *ahem* be in Conneautville the weekend after we get back. Bubba and I are flying in on February 10th and will be up in Conneautville on the 11th. Rob and Beth will be rolling in probably on Friday the thirteenth. Bwa-ha-ha.

The 11th-13th will probably be spent just recouperating from the trip and unpacking, getting settled, doing some grocery shopping, stuff like that. So if I run into you around town, yay! If not, feel free to stop by my mom's place, we'll be there. We'll eventually be doing a run down to Pittsburgh to let my mother-in-law meet her grandson (if you recall, I was eight months pregnant with him the last time she saw us), so if you're in da 'Burgh, let me know and we'll try to work out a visit.

So who else is excited about the game today? GO STEELERS! I'm actually not a huge football nut but I do get excited about Steelers games, especially when they're vying for the AFC Championship. By the time most of you read this, the verdict will be in, but for now, I'm excited. We bought our play-off food for this afternoon/evening, we have a bigger-than-our-TV widescreen to watch the game on and we are, to bring up an old chestnut, geeked.

I should go. Things to do, things to do. Happy Playoff Day, folks!

Life is a cement trampoline.

So we're emptying out our apartment and throwing bags upon bags of stuff in the dumpster. Throwing out things that were really just cluttering up our life, taking up space, collecting dust...but it's really very hard to get rid of things that, in one way or another, were a part of everyday life. It's even harder to work up the strength to climb our outdoor steps another time to gather another load of garbage. I'm so damn tired, my limbs doth protest a lot.

Anyway, we're nearing the end of the clean-out. I have to finish up with the kids' room, the bathroom and hall closets, and then attack the kitchen. I think I'm going to round-file most of the kitchen; I'm keeping our glasses and Pyrex pans, and a few of the kids' cups. The rest is kind of junk at this point and it's not worth boxing up and saving. I really just want this to be done and to move on to the next phase of this "adventure."

What's on my mind now, to be honest, is our return to western Pennsylvania. I'm excited about it, I'm hoping we're able to finally live the life we've always wanted: friends and family to hang out with, things to do that won't cost a small fortune, football games we actually give a damn about, fishing, and overall a happier and less stressful existence. But I'm worried about reintroducing myself to a social life again.

I've made all of about three friends since moving out here. One I've never met in real life, one I've met in real life once, and one I've hung out with occasionally. Between spending the last four years immersed in raising my children and effectively removing myself from any kind of social scene since 2003, I feel like my social skills have packed up their bags and taken up residence somewhere in the recesses of my brain. I'm worried that given the opportunity to hang out with old friends and family, I'll end up sitting there like a bump on a log with little to say and what I do say will bore them to death.

I don't know, maybe I'll be fine. I've changed a lot since 2003 though, as one friend put it, I kind of act like an old lady sometimes. I'm hoping the fun me is hiding somewhere inside and I can revive her. I don't want to be the person that everyone invites to parties and get-togethers out of sympathy because once upon a time, she was fun to have around but now we just feel sorry for her awkwardness.

Bah. I worry too much. I should just be excited to see everyone again, right? You all will still love me, right? Just be patient with me. I'll come around again, I swear!

"We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance."

~ Harrison Ford

Never thought I'd be quoting Indiana Jones, but that man is mighty quippy.

So here's the rundown, without going into too much gritty detail:

1. We're moving. Yes, we're moving, and not to any other place in the Bay Area. Not even in California. Through a series of essentially uncontrollable circumstances, we're unable to even semi-comfortably stay in California. So all you East Coast folks, you know, the ones I've whined about missing? Mark your calendars, we're packing up and heading back across this chunk of earth and coming to a screeching stop in my old stomping grounds.

2. We're paring down our possessions. Our initial haul will only be bringing what we can fit in our tracker and on a little trailer that will, among other things, be hauling Rob's motorcycle. We sold the fish and their tank today to a man who wanted some easy-to-care-for pets for his kids. I got the impression that all drains would lead to the ocean and although I am an animal lover, I don't honestly care. I just didn't want to be the person to do it. It occurred to us to donate them back to the pet store but we've got too much going on to do that. He said he might do that since they were all healthy fish, so keep your fingers crossed for my daughter's fine-finned friends.

3. We're leaving sometime in early to mid-February, depending on when our tax return shows up. We need to install a hitch on our tracker and pick up the trailer, then load it and tether things. I think Rob scheduled pick-up of the trailer on February 10th, but we'll see if we have the money by then.

4. In the interim, we'll be back at my in-laws. *groan* It'll only be for a month or so, so it won't be like last time, but we know they're going to ask for money this time around. If you need to reach us between January 18th and whenever we leave the state, e-mail me and I'll get you that phone number.

5. When we get back, we're going to be at my mom's until August-ish. Rob's going to finish his semester at Chabot by taking online-only classes through May and I'm probably going to find some part-time job to save up money. We're looking to move down to Pittsburgh in August since Rob plans on enrolling at CCAC for the fall semester and I'm going to find full-time work there. So if you live in Pittsburgh and know of any jobs I'd be qualified for that pay a decent salary, please let me know!

So that's the nutshell. Any questions? E-mail me. God, this sounds like a mass e-mail, doesn't it?

.....................................................................................

I've got a lot of emotions running through me right now. I'm disappointed that our big quest of the west didn't pan out. I'm excited to be moving back to western Pennsylvania where I know my kids will attend better schools and where all my old friends have kids my kids' ages. I'm worried that it'll be just as tough there. I'm anxious as all hell about our move. Rob wants to go balls-to-the-wall and drive straight through. Practical ol' me knows this is entirely too impractical and will be fighting him tooth and nail to at least stop for one night. He and I could manage it but it would play hell on the kids and the cat. Surely he must realize that!

Rawr. Life just can't be easy, can it?

I'll be back!

So as it turns out, you can't add much HTML to Wordpress, which sucks. I was liking my little slice of BlogLand over there. But now I have itchy feet and miss being able to add certain widgets, so I'll be back to Blogger soon. It's going to take me a day or two to pack up and move, but never you fear: I'll be back!

Home is where you keep your shit...

...and we have a lot of shit!

I was simply astounded by how much STUFF we have. Not just what we were keeping at my in-laws place, but how much was in storage. We've been in here since Saturday and we're still not completely unpacked.

Granted, we've been out and about nearly every day, buying MORE STUFF to cram into our new place. Mostly needs, but it's just more STUFF. I can't get away from it!

After six days, I have my kitchen mostly in order. Our living room is getting there. The desk/bookshelf area is a clusterf***, and the kids room and our room both are just catch-alls for what doesn't fit out here! I have to have it all in order by Saturday though, we're having company over.

I just don't understand how we fit all of that into a one-bedroom apartment and are having trouble fitting it all into a two-bedroom apartment that is not only bigger by 100 square feet, but also has twice the amount of storage. I'm baffled.