A Benign Post

I have blog guilt. I haven't produced a quality blog post in weeks. Every day, I swear up and down that I'm going to carve out half an hour to blog...and then every day, I find out I have absolutely nothing to write about. Things are very humdrum here. We've been driving back and forth to the old 'hood to handle college-related things for Rob but that aside, nothin'.

We've thrown a few more bricks into place regarding our migration back east. I've obtained the kids' birth certificates, finally. It only took me nearly four years to get Beth's and a full year to get Bubba's. This is no fault of the county (although I believe it's a bunch of bull that we have to pay to get the birth certificates, to the tune of $19.00 each). No, no, it's all me. I was just too lazy. We never needed them until now.

We bought the trailer hitch this past week, a Class III, meaning we can tow up to 3,500 pounds. I think Rob's installing it next week. I called Southwest to ensure I would be able to get a priority boarding pass because of having an infant with me. As long as I have the above-mentioned birth certificate, I'll be in Group A. I also got this fantastic contraption, the Travelmate, which will be an enormous help in the airport when I have Bubba in his convertible carseat. I didn't buy it brand-new, I bought it used from a woman in Union City. It's an older model, it's only supposed to fit Britax carseats, and I have a Cosco, but Rob's handy and can make it work. He started to explain to me what he was going to do to make it work, but as soon I heard, "What I'll do is..." my eyes glazed over and my ears powered down.

It's also a good feeling to know you're wanted back where you came from. My cousin invited us to her daughter's first birthday party the weekend after we get in, my college roommate is inviting me to her baby shower in March, and an old friend offered to help us get settled. My best friend is driving up shortly after we arrive so we can meet each other's kids and get caught up; nearly six years is a long time to be separated from your best friend.

I'm really excited and I'm glad things are finally coming together. Anybody else back east want to get together?

Life is a cement trampoline.

So we're emptying out our apartment and throwing bags upon bags of stuff in the dumpster. Throwing out things that were really just cluttering up our life, taking up space, collecting dust...but it's really very hard to get rid of things that, in one way or another, were a part of everyday life. It's even harder to work up the strength to climb our outdoor steps another time to gather another load of garbage. I'm so damn tired, my limbs doth protest a lot.

Anyway, we're nearing the end of the clean-out. I have to finish up with the kids' room, the bathroom and hall closets, and then attack the kitchen. I think I'm going to round-file most of the kitchen; I'm keeping our glasses and Pyrex pans, and a few of the kids' cups. The rest is kind of junk at this point and it's not worth boxing up and saving. I really just want this to be done and to move on to the next phase of this "adventure."

What's on my mind now, to be honest, is our return to western Pennsylvania. I'm excited about it, I'm hoping we're able to finally live the life we've always wanted: friends and family to hang out with, things to do that won't cost a small fortune, football games we actually give a damn about, fishing, and overall a happier and less stressful existence. But I'm worried about reintroducing myself to a social life again.

I've made all of about three friends since moving out here. One I've never met in real life, one I've met in real life once, and one I've hung out with occasionally. Between spending the last four years immersed in raising my children and effectively removing myself from any kind of social scene since 2003, I feel like my social skills have packed up their bags and taken up residence somewhere in the recesses of my brain. I'm worried that given the opportunity to hang out with old friends and family, I'll end up sitting there like a bump on a log with little to say and what I do say will bore them to death.

I don't know, maybe I'll be fine. I've changed a lot since 2003 though, as one friend put it, I kind of act like an old lady sometimes. I'm hoping the fun me is hiding somewhere inside and I can revive her. I don't want to be the person that everyone invites to parties and get-togethers out of sympathy because once upon a time, she was fun to have around but now we just feel sorry for her awkwardness.

Bah. I worry too much. I should just be excited to see everyone again, right? You all will still love me, right? Just be patient with me. I'll come around again, I swear!

My Weekly Writing Assignment

So Mama Kat gave us a choice of four prompts this week:

1) Lost? How come?
2) If I could take tomorrow off work, I would...
3) Write a letter to someone you miss greatly
4) 10 things I believe in

I'm going to complete #3 today and #4 tomorrow. I know you're only supposed to pick one but they're both so involved and exciting fodder for a writer, I just can't help myself.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear You'll-Know-Who-You-Are-In-A-Minute,

'Sup? We haven't seen each other in over five years and we only occasionally speak on the phone. That's my fault. I'm a horrible phone person, have been for years. The only person I can gab on the phone with really well is my mom and I think that's because I'm well-practiced in that. We have unlimited long distance and I rarely use it. I think it's because I'm afraid that I'm too boring for you now. My stories have bored you since I moved out here...at least, that's what I surmise from your not-so-ambiguous rants about people who act like they're octogenarians and spend a good deal of time online, talking to the people who live inside their computer (whom they may or may not have met in person). I'm 99% certain that was directed at me but I chose not to say anything because I didn't want us in the same exact place we were this time last year.

I know I've changed a lot since I left and for the simple fact that it's clearly disappointing to you, I'm sorry. But I'm not sorry for who I am now. I've gone from left to right, east to west, and from being an outgoing extrovert to being a homebody who'd rather curl up with her ratty 12-year-old blanket and watch HGTV than hit the bar. So when you call and have all these stories about work, about people I used to know and hang out with, your house, the old 'hood...well, I have none of that and I come off as boring and hermit-like. I feel less boring when we email and exchange comments on MySpace.

I wish there were fewer miles between us. I still consider you my best friend and you have no idea how many times I've wished you lived closer so I wouldn't be so damn bored. We'd probably just sit and watch informercials for Time-Life music collections or listen to Pink Floyd and reminisce about our younger days, but it'd be time well-spent. I know you and a whole league of people wish we'd move back. Although our actions don't say so, we do miss Pennsylvania. We miss the people, the attitude, nice Walmarts, and having fewer junkies and meth heads to deal with in our grocery store parking lots. But as bad as our financial situation seems out here, it'd be ten times worse back there. We talk about moving all the time and someday, I guarantee you, we will. It just won't be anytime soon.

Please don't be disillusioned with me. I know I'm shitty at calling people and that I may come across as a loser who's developed roots in the chair at her computer desk, but rest assured, the old me is alive and well. She just doesn't have any real friends out here or any idea how to meet them. If I'm being quite honest, I think I've been keeping that possibility at a distance because I know how hard it was to leave the friends I've had my entire life and move across the country. I don't want to do that again.

So please don't fault me too hard for not calling. And please understand that despite my seemingly lonely existence, overall my mental health is just fine. Moreover, please understand that I do miss you. We might not agree on everything but you are and always will be my best friend, miles be damned.

And I will forever crack a smile when I hear Ralph Wiggum (thank you, by the way, for the birthday card, I had to explain the whole "sleep in a drawer" thing to Rob after he saw it), see a Schwinn, or catch "Whole Lotta Love" on the radio.

God, I've gone on long enough. You get it. I'm sure you know who "you" are by now. And I sound like a schmuck. Take care, dude.

Love,
Darcie

I'm Over It.

"It" being Dooce. I was introduced to her blog last year by my friend Valeta, and I thought she was absolutely hysterical. She was a terrific writer with a sharp wit and hell, she was (and, admittedly, is) the blogosphere's most notable blogger. Everyone knows Dooce. After a while, when I'd relate one of her posts to my husband, I started referring to her as Heather, as though we were friends (yes, I know we aren't). I really admired her and aspired to be as renowned.

But her post on September 4th has completely changed my opinion of her. I have no problem with liberals. I have problems with their views and ideas on politics but I can respect that people have opinions different from my own. My problem is that I don't think she respects any opinion that differs from hers or that challenges her ideas. Her Tweet from 09/05/2008, the day after the tirade: "Ratio of misspelled words to correctly spelled words in my inbox today: I don't think a number exists this high - to - one." I seriously doubt she was referring to all the glowing reviews she got from like-minded people.

I've been thinking a lot lately about how everybody raves about her, how wonderful she is, how funny she is, blah blah blah...and although she is funny, she's become a poster child for blogging and I guess maybe it's just me, but I'm tired of her. I want to read more of us mediocre bloggers. She doesn't have a blogroll. That bothers me. Maybe she feels she'd be inundated with requests to be rolled on such a popular blog or that people will feel she's playing favorites, but it bothers me that she can't be like the rest of us.

I don't know. I'm starting to ramble about this. I still love Redneck Mommy and Shannon and most of those other big-time bloggers, I guess mainly because they still seem real to me. Heather doesn't; she feels more like an idol, an untouchable. Bleh. I want to read people who blog every day about everyday things...the kids, dinner, prime time TV, the asshole at the mall, camping trips, etc.

So hit me up. Blog suggestions? I need new friends to live inside my computer. I doubt Heather will miss me. Heh.



**I'm sorry if any of you still love her to death. I did not mean to offend; these are just my honest feelings on the subject and I had to get them out there.

"Men and women can never be friends." - Harry, When Harry Met Sally

My husband, in his infinite wisdom, has informed me on more than one occasion that Harry has it right. Every man, no matter his thoughts on a woman's physical appearance, wants to sleep with her.

WHAT?!

I refuse to believe this. No way. I've had plenty of male friends in my lifetime who've had zero interest in me and I can assure you, definitely didn't want a piece of this. I've never been one of the "beautiful people" and I certainly never had an attractive body so I feel that this makes Harry's (and my husband's) allegations null and void.

Do I have any male readers? Can you offer insight on this? What about my female readers? Has any male friend of yours ever owned up to wanting to get you in bed?

Quick Note of Gratitude

Some of you may remember my post from earlier this month regarding my my time travel to the 1940s. I mentioned therein that I was going to subtly suggest to my husband that he buy me the Magic Bullet for Christmas.

Move over, Christmas, my 29th birthday just walked in the door!!!

Thank you so much, D, for the early birthday present. Seriously, I was floored when I opened the box! I thought maybe you had a Magic Bullet and had packaged something for the kids in it. But no no, never one to disappoint, you had sent the real deal. You kick ass. I'll try to not be broke after Christmas so I can send you a rockin' birthday present too! Oh, and a present for your munchkin as well!

Have a nice weekend everyone! I'll be mixing smoothies, grinding coffee grounds, and chopping vegetables...in 10 seconds or less!

***Clarification: "D" is my best friend's first initial. I wasn't sure if she'd want to be mentioned by name in my blog, so I kept it at the first initial. 'Twasn't Hubby who gave it to me, 'twas my friend. :)


A picture of the Most Excellent Gift on my groovy orange couch

I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a balla...

...or I wish I wasn't such a damn wallflower.

Seriously folks, I haven't had a "night out" with the girls - whether they be girls from C-Town or from college - since mid-2001. SEVEN YEARS. SEVEN!

When I met Rob and got married, I kinda lost interest in that scene. I calmed down for a while. I'm still calm, but now that I've moved out here, popped out a couple of kids, and have seen the calm side of life, I'm wishing I had girlfriends out here who would drag my sorry ass out on a Friday or Saturday night!

A number of things are preventing this from happening:

1. I'm a HUGE wallflower. I'm not a go-getter. I don't join mommy groups or playgroups because I'm afraid I won't be accepted. I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I'm not skinny, I'm not beautiful, I never have a lot of wiggle room with money to do every activity under the sun, I'm a Republican, et al.

2. I don't have many friends out here. I have two local friends but they're both a bit younger than me and have their own activities. One has her own mommy group, not to mention money to do the things they do.

3. I'm very self-conscious. I don't have nice "going out" clothes. Most of my shirts either have holes in them because they're so old or they have some miscellaneous stain on them that make them look as though they'd be put to better use as dust cloths.

4. I'm a Negative Nelly. Look at this list!!!!

I'm just a self-sabotager, I suppose. I have no self-esteem, I'm persistently certain that I'm always being judged for my decisions, my appearance, my beliefs...*sigh*

Honestly, I miss my friends back east. I love living out here, I do. But if y'all could just hop into a caravan of U-Hauls and move your asses out here, that'd be great. Or you could just take vacations in tandem and a few times a year, I could go out and get a little crazy. Maybe cut a little rug. ;-)

From the days when I was a lot of fun...





And a picture of mom and me, for putting up with this morning's posts!

Just tired of this shit.

To any and all of my right coast people out there...I miss you. There's something to be said for keeping the friends you've had your whole life. They know you best and actually give a shit about you.

Someone fly out here and visit us! We used up all of R's vacation time between finding a place to live and him having pneumonia, so we can't make it back this summer. *whaaaaaaa!!!!* We have the space for guests...we'll show you San Francisco, Monterey Bay, Napa, Sacramento, Tahoe, Reno, whatever! Just come out here and see us!!!!

Fat, Dumb and Happy

I think that's how my husband and I are perceived. That's what I'm gleaning. We're overweight (which we openly acknowledge and are working to change), and thus, we must be stupid. Because we're stupid, of course, we're then ignorant of our stupidity and as they say, "ignorance is bliss."

So...Fat, Dumb and Happy.

Goddamn people!!! Seriously, I'm irritated. If there's anything that gets stuck in my craw, it's when people make that assumption. I am a learned person. I'm educated. I read. Not as much as I like anymore, but I still read. If I want to know more about something, I research it. My husband constantly has his nose in a book and thinks about things like it's going out of style.

Just because we're overweight does NOT mean we're dumb. We're smart people. Don't talk down to us, don't assume we have nothing to contribute to a conversation, and please, please, PLEASE don't feel the need to educate us. It's demeaning, rude and not in your best interest. This is how you alienate people.