August 28, 2008

Not Again...

Today, I'd like to touch upon the things that piss me off. Okay, they don't actually piss me off, but they do get stuck in my craw. Nobody likes having their craw stuck open.

1. Anything to do with Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. I'm so tired of hearing about them. Anyone famous for being famous irritates the bejeezus out of me.

2. Pegged pants. Some might call them docked pants (my husband does). In case you're sitting there all unaware, they're trying to make a comeback. Katie's been spotted at least twice donning this heinous "trend." They weren't that cool when we did it in the late 80s and early 90s, I seriously doubt they'll be on fashion runways this fall.

3. Saturday Night Live. I know it's a huge ratings hit for NBC and has been since the mid'70s, but guess what? That's the last time it was truly funny. Chevy Chase, Bill Murray, Gilda Radner, Dan Aykroyd, Eddie Murphy, Jim Belushi...they were truly funny. My generation ushered in Mike Myers, Chris Farley, Adam Sandler, Dana Carvey, David Spade, Molly Shannon, Will Ferrell and such. They were kiiiinda funny. Funny to a 16-year-old. I watch SNL now and I sit there with a look on my face akin to Wednesday.

But show me an episode containing Eddie Murphy's "Buh-weet Sings" or "Weekend Update" with Chevy Chase? Then you have this:

or this, because I couldn't decide on one:

4. AFV. You know the evil of which I speak: America's Funniest Videos. Formerly hosted by the very unfunny, very white-man profane Bob Saget, this show has been on for 17 insufferable years. This show debuted when I was 12!!! Jesus Tapdancing Christ. Tom Bergeron is not funny and the videos are all 10+ years old. What? You never noticed the blur over the dates in videos these last few years? That's because they're all shot in 1992! I'm tired of seeing the same little kid whack his daddy in the twig & berries every week with that same, tired, yellow wiffle bat.

5. The Geico caveman commercials. Seriously? The first one was funny. It's been a muddy downhill Snow Saucer since then. Now they're very played out and the sitcom they attempted last year? It caused my head to implode twice. For real.

6. Kids with cell phones!!!!! I didn't have a cell phone until I was 19. It was about as big as my handheld cordless phone here at home, had an analog display, and had one ringtone option. Granted, cell phones weren't mass marketed until the mid-90s anyway, but still. No child needs a damn phone and they especially don't need them while they're in class! As far as I'm concerned, a kid can get a phone when they're old enough to sign a contract and can pay for phone and monthly bill on their own.

7. People who talk on their cell phones in checkout lines. You're holding up the line because it's taking you five extra minutes to dig out your debit card or cash, then your ID to verify your age, put that all back in your wallet, zip up your purse, put purse back on your shoulder...BECAUSE YOU'RE DOING IT ALL ONE-HANDED. It's rude to all us huffy bitches behind you in line - because you know that's what you think of us when we're sighing and shooting dirty looks in your general direction - and it's rude to your cashier. I was a cashier once and you wouldn't believe how rude John & Jane Q. Public can be to the lowly cashier, but that's a post for another time.

8. Women standing in line at the aforementioned store with a cart full of SHIT: candy, sugary kids snacks, soda, not-100%-juice-or-even-2%-juice "juice," pre-cooked fried chicken, sugary cereal...all poised to pay for it with their EBT card.

I had typed two more long-ass paragraphs with regards to this comment but I've chosen to rant about it some other day. I'll just leave my comment as it is.

9. Christopher Knight. This guy's worse than David Hasselhoff (who, by the way, should get spot #9.5 for being freakishly annoying) with TV. "The Brady Bunch" wasn't enough for this attention whore. He's been on "My Fair Brady," "Celebrity Family Feud," "The Surreal Life," and "Celebrity Circus!" Holy crap. Someone needs to realize that he stopped being the cute Peter Brady 35 years ago.

That's enough for now. I'm sure with my layout, you'll have scrolled a mile by now. Sorry 'bout that. A lot gets stuck in my craw.


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