November 4, 2008

My Weekly Writing Assignment

So I caught a little flack for being predictable last week. I always write about my past, my memories, etc. However, what the commenter doesn't know is that I'm horrible with creativity. I took a Fiction Writing course in college and never wrote a fictitious story. I took stories that actually happened, changed the names, and submitted it. I swung a B in the class. So I'm sorry if it's disappointing to some, but with my weekly writing assignment, I'm going to be predictable yet again. Here are the prompts, though, if you're interested:

1.) You awaken with amnesia in what looks to be an igloo. You have $4 and a rock in one pocket, and a toothbrush in the other. Someone is staring at you. Write this scene.

2.) Write a 16-line poem (rhyming or non-rhyming) about a moment from your childhood that changed your life for the better.

3.) You're sitting at work one day and receive a text message from an unrecognized number. The text says, "I have the money and hid the body." You think this is a practical joke from a friend, so you play along at first. But the more texts you receive, the more you realize that it isn't a joke. Write the text conversation you have with this unknown texter.

4.) 10 of my absolute worst pet peeves...

5.) Fictionalize an event that happened to one of your parents, friends, or siblings.


......................................................................................

    10 of My Absolute Worst Pet Peeves


10. Nonsensical arguments. Don't pick a fight with me, or try to debate me, if you have no basis for your side of the debate. You'll end up plucking total nonsense, seemingly out of thin air, and try to sling it at me like a fireball. You end up sounding incredibly stupid and I've got nothing because I can't argue with stupidity.

9. Dog-earing pages of books. My husband is totally guilty of this and it drives me up the damn wall. I don't care if it's our book, the library's or someone else's. You DON'T dog-ear pages! Preserve the damn book! Use a slip of paper, a string, or - here's a novel idea - a bookmark.

8. The fact that the California Drivers License Handbook comes in nine different languages-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------+
. This is AMERICA! Did you know that until 2006, we didn't have an official language? It's absolutely absurd to me that people are allowed to take their driver's license exams in one of 8 other languages - aside from English - and get their license. Of course, that brings me to Pet Peeve #7.

7. That one can become a legal citizen of the United States of America and not want to embrace our language and culture. It's infuriating that there are people out there who simply want to make money here, send it back to their home country for years at a time, and the whole time they're here, bitch about America. "America sucks, Vietnam's great!" is a tune Rob hears at work all the time. Yeah, but the money you make here, that's no so bad, eh? The guy who chants his America Sucks Mantra every day also dragged an animal trap into work one day. Rob asks him, "Hey [name here], what's the trap for?" The response: "Cats." Yeah.

6. Maintenance staff, mechanics (other than my hubby, of course), and any man I deal with in the general public assuming I'm a complete idiot and treating me like one. The maintenance guy I get up here every time something in our apartment needs fixed automatically thinks I broke whatever he's fixing and that I'm just some dumb woman. I'm not stupid, I know how/why/when it broke and how to not break it again. Jackass. My hoo-ha doesn't knock 40 points off my IQ.

5. The gap in between my two front teeth. I had it before I got braces in 1992. The braces I wore through 1994 closed it. Then I got lazy about wearing my retainer and by the time I was 19, it was back. Now I have a gap that food gets stuck in constantly. So if I'm eating, and I make a disgusting thhhhhhtttt sound, you know why.

4. Parents that refuse to restrain or even watch their kids in public places, namely stores and restaurants. There is nothing more irritating than trying to do your shopping or lunch-gnoshing while there are small children running around, screaming, knocking things off of shelves with nary a parent or guardian to be found. Who lets their kids run wild? Don't they worry about kidnapping? Or even something so simple as their kid breaking something and them being forced to buy it? Aye yi yi! WATCH YOUR KIDS! I've taken three children under three years old to a store before, it's not asking too much, I swear.

3. Holy Rollers. Bible thumpers. Soldiers of God. I don't have a problem with your Christianity. Believe what you want to believe, you won't hear a peep out of me because that's the beauty and whole premise of America: your freedom of religion. In that same vein, I enjoy the freedom of not having to believe in any deity or dogma, so please stop waving your bible in my face, stop reciting passages from it, and stop telling me that all of life's answers are in it. The bible is your cheat sheet. If you need a bunch of mostly-fictitious stories to answer life's tough questions or you need a printed and bound moral compass, then by all means. But it's not mine and you can't force-feed Christianity. Besides, what about the Golden Rule? My religious beliefs, or lack thereof, shouldn't be a factor, right?

2. The reset time on my digital camera. I get my kids all set for a second picture, or I get the perfect smile on someone, and then they have to wait for the damn thing to reset. By then, I've lost that wonderful smile, nobody's looking at the camera, and the moment's over. I need this camera in my life. Seriously.

1. Opportunists. I'm not talking about my husband, although he is an excellent example of an opportunists. I'm talking about people who know you're relying on them for something and take every opportunity to use you. Rob and I have this happen to us time and again and it's really very frustrating. We never want to slight people and we're both helpers: we help even when we really can't or shouldn't. It's a compulsion, really. Anyway, we're often taken advantage of and it starts to suck. You want to believe in people, you know?

9 comments:

Denise said...

OMG! DH dog-ears books too and it bugs me to no end! Find a piece of paper to throw in there to mark the page if you have to - but don't dog-ear it! Plus...when you do - it still takes forever to find the tiny little dog-ear you put in it!

Slick said...

"My hoo-ha doesn't knock 40 points off my IQ."

30, though...right?

lol

My wife is a "helper", which isn't a bad thing and I'm totally not.

She usually wins out

Melissa said...

I'm a dog-ear violator...oops!! And I know what you mean about the language... I'm all for freedom in our country, but if you are coming to this country--you should learn this language...we should not have to change/translate EVERYTHING so you are comfortable in this country!!

Michelle said...

I love your list and I am also driven crazy by dog earing. It just isn't right!!!

Serenity said...

I agree with you on the dog earing...that is very annoying. I don't understand why people do that. I agreed with a lot of what you wrote :)

Minxy Mimi said...

I agree on some of those for sure!
Esp the bible thumpers... I actually agree 100% with you on that one!

Mama Kat said...

I like that your gap between your teeth is on your peeve list. I actually like that about people...I think the tooth gap is cute.

Heather said...

Let's not even talk about the parents who don't watch their kids in public places-- that might be #1 on my pet peeve list! Especially when they are at "parent watch week" at a dance studio and they let their 2 year old run out onto the floor numerous times and she (the baby) nearly knocks down your dancers repeatedly. Mom's not even paying attention and then looks crabby when I have to ask her to hold onto her kid. UGH.

Princesspeaches said...

As a librarian I am happy to see that negative grass roots sentiment towards the dog-earring of pages in books. Seriously, my library gives away bookmarks for free!

 
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