June 27, 2008

I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a balla...

...or I wish I wasn't such a damn wallflower.

Seriously folks, I haven't had a "night out" with the girls - whether they be girls from C-Town or from college - since mid-2001. SEVEN YEARS. SEVEN!

When I met Rob and got married, I kinda lost interest in that scene. I calmed down for a while. I'm still calm, but now that I've moved out here, popped out a couple of kids, and have seen the calm side of life, I'm wishing I had girlfriends out here who would drag my sorry ass out on a Friday or Saturday night!

A number of things are preventing this from happening:

1. I'm a HUGE wallflower. I'm not a go-getter. I don't join mommy groups or playgroups because I'm afraid I won't be accepted. I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I'm not skinny, I'm not beautiful, I never have a lot of wiggle room with money to do every activity under the sun, I'm a Republican, et al.

2. I don't have many friends out here. I have two local friends but they're both a bit younger than me and have their own activities. One has her own mommy group, not to mention money to do the things they do.

3. I'm very self-conscious. I don't have nice "going out" clothes. Most of my shirts either have holes in them because they're so old or they have some miscellaneous stain on them that make them look as though they'd be put to better use as dust cloths.

4. I'm a Negative Nelly. Look at this list!!!!

I'm just a self-sabotager, I suppose. I have no self-esteem, I'm persistently certain that I'm always being judged for my decisions, my appearance, my beliefs...*sigh*

Honestly, I miss my friends back east. I love living out here, I do. But if y'all could just hop into a caravan of U-Hauls and move your asses out here, that'd be great. Or you could just take vacations in tandem and a few times a year, I could go out and get a little crazy. Maybe cut a little rug. ;-)

From the days when I was a lot of fun...

And a picture of mom and me, for putting up with this morning's posts!


The Mom said...

We are so friends, let me tell you! We've got to plan a hook up...I'll grab Merrie from Sleepless Mornings and Ro from Whines and Wines and we're going to Hayward! Don't dare me!

First, I must VACAY....lord knows i'll need a night out after this!

Miss ya!

Chandra Stauffer said...

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I used to sit on the couch and say to my husband, "I wish I had a friend." It was so hard. And I have as much social spunk as you do too, so things did not look good for me.

Eventually I became friends with someone I worked with, after working there for six months! And now we are BFFs all the way.

Maybe you could just venture out a little bit, tell yourself all the while that if it gets too scary you are turning the car around and heading straight back to the safety of indoors.

That is how I got through a lot of things. "If this sucks. I am totally leaving."

Bobbi's Book Nook said...

You guys make me feel so much better. I thought I was the only one with no social skills and no desire to learn. For some reason I'm more comfortable with my internet friends vs. meeting face to face.

Denise said...

Wow...and here I thought I was the only one to feel that way!!!!!!!! I have thought about joining mommy groups but like you, I fear I won't be accepted! I am shy and not outgoing upon meeting strangers unless I have had a drink. Somehow I don't think that would go over well at a mommy playgroup!

I don't have nice going out clothes either...I have the mommy look now and am very self concious too! Today my shirt has 3 holes! I rock!

You know...Hayward isn't that far from me!!!! We can be quiet wallflowers together!! :)

diana said...

i've never been a "group" person, whether it was group work in high school or meetings of any sort in college. i could never ever join a mommy group, i'm too much of a hater...

i'd come visit you but i can barely afford gas to go to erie to go shopping once in a while...let alone flying to CA...

get a weekend job maybe? even if it was only on like sunday mornings or something, it would give you the opportunity to mingle with others for a while.

Alice said...

It's hard for me too, but I met most of my current friends from going to storytime with the kids at the library. But then...I'm not sure how old your kids are.

My other thing that gets me outta the house is playing poker. It's definitely an interesting mix of folks!

You'll find some pals eventually!

Mommie Mayhem said...

I know what you mean. I started a local play group for moms in the area. I met a few great friends through it .. but I also met a few wackos lol. Theres a male review on July 23 at the casino here in ny ... hope in the car and drive ... drive LOL. Even if we cant be there in person ... we can be there ummmmm in online-ish buddy's ... yep or something like that lol ;)

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