September 30, 2008

You can only kick a dog so many times

...before it gives up. How many times? Who knows? That's like asking how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. All I can tell you is that I (and by "I," I mean "Rob & I") am damn tired of getting kicked.

I won't go into specifics for two reasons. First, you really don't care all that much. Second, if you know us then you can probably take a well-aimed shot at what's wrong this time around and you'd be right. That said, I guarantee you're tired of hearing that same old song and dance so I'll spare you.

But I will tell you this: tomorrow, I have to go, hat in hand, and do something I swore up and down over a year ago that I would never do again. Tomorrow morning, I'll be staring down a barrel of disappointment, disgust, admonishment, disappointment, anger, possible refusal, and disappointment. Did I mention disappointment?

I'm hoping I can chickenshit my way out of this conversation by hearing an answering machine when I call. Then I can just say everything I need to say in about two minutes, tell so-and-so to call me back, and hang up like the phone is on fire. Then I'll cry. How I haven't broken down into a million sorry-ass pieces yet is beyond me. Maybe it's just the resignation of being in this situation again, wondering how many times we're going to get kicked before we either a) give up, or b) finally get a little more sunshine and a little less shit.

Anyway, that's all I've got for today. Well, that and I want some salsa. We were watching "Opportunity Knocks" on ABC, the kid had to taste-test some salsa and it made me want some.


Plunger Girl said...

Subject-wise I don't have a clue what you're talking about. However, the premise, the emotions, I can 100% relate to.

Sometimes I wonder if I've done something really horrible to someone and I don't remember and karma is haunting me.

I recently spoke with a woman about karmic debt (the theory that you did something in your previous life that you haven't yet paid back) and she told me our situation didn't sound like a karmic debt-based situation but rather the universe trying to tell us something. We find ourselves in the same situation relatively often, mostly because we're too trusting (gullible), and it's time for us to learn the lesson. And if we don't learn the lesson it's going to keep happening.

Something to chew on.

Whatever it is, you'll be able to make it through and later you'll look back on it and it won't seem like the plague arrived.

Denise said...

Oh sweetie - I am not 100% sure what you are talking about but I have an idea.

First of all...DO NOT be disappointed in what you will have to do. DO NOT be disgusted. DO NOT feel those emotions (okay - it's okay to feel them but please don't's not coming out right!). I know that's easier said than done but we ALL need help at times. Don't think you are the only one. I am not 100% sure if I got it right what you are doing but I think I have an idea - and if so...PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not beat yourself up. You are not the only one in this situation. TRUST ME. What I do for a living and how many people are in your shoes would probably shock you. DO NOT think you are a bad person. We ALL need help at times and I am PROUD of you for doing what you HAVE to do right now for YOU, for your HUSBAND, and for your two ADORABLE kiddos! It is okay - I promise! It WILL get better - I promise that too!!!!!! It's a TEMPORARY thing. It won't be forever!

I must say I admire your strength - even if it feels like you don't have any right now. You guys are going to get through this! You are in my prayers and thoughts. If there is anything I can do - please let me know!


Valeta said...

I don't know what you are talking about either but *hugs* anyway. :D

Slick said...

Well, I'm totally clueless and in the dark but Good Luck and I hope everything turns out ok.

Whatever it is...

Minxy Mimi said...

Sounds like you have the same issues we have sometimes... maybe, For us its $$$, having my husband laid off and now getting much less per hour makes for some rough times... I hate asking for help. Dont be so down on yourself...everyone has things happen to them sometimes.Just know that "This too shall pass" Its so cliche, but its true. I hope you are feeling better.

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